He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
