Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
