dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
