I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
