I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
