I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
Little spoons don't ask big questions
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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