i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I'm just crazy horny about you
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Sorry about my life...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
