so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
