dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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