THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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