Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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