she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I look better un-naked...
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
