I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
whose ass print is on the piano?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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