2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
