Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
