My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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