i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Why can't burritos get me drunk
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
