I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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