Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
