i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
