Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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