I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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