We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
