She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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