Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
