I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
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