hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
