I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
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