The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
