The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
