Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
