On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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