he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
