i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Randomize
