Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
