so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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