His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Randomize
