Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night�
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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