Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
