why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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