you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
We got so high we made milksteak
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
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