Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
