Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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