i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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