I hate all girls vehemently.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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