she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
