ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
