I like my sex mixed with concussions.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
