Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
