I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Randomize
