just come out here and I will go home with you...
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
