aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
